My Experience: The Starfish

We've collaborated with The Mental Health Forum to present personal stories from their Flights of Hope project, which is entirely crafted and overseen by members who are service users and carer members. We extend our gratitude to The Mental Health Forum & the writers for granting us permission to feature these stories on our platform, with the shared aspiration that they will touch and support a wider audience.

When I was a little girl, I loved searching for starfish at the beach with my Granda. I was mesmerised by their beauty. As an adult in recovery, I learned the true meaning of the starfish and their strong message of hope is deeper than the ocean itself.

A starfish embraces a process of letting go. When attacked it detaches from its limbs in order to escape and survive. The resilient starfish isn’t worried about what it’s lost because it trusts the journey ahead; when it loses a limb it can grow it back. How incredible is that?

As people in recovery, we also have the ability to heal and transform. In some situations, the lost limb can renew and become a completely new starfish altogether. 

I think that is an important inspiration in recovery. From a state of brokenness and loss we can find hope and possibility in a new beginning. Over time we can rewire our brains in a new way that allows us to thrive rather than merely survive. I realise that although my Bipolar Disorder is a lifelong illness, I can manage it by putting positive habits in place.

My recovery journey has not been straightforward. Over time I had to adapt. This wasn’t easy with an all or nothing mindset. I often felt I should give up altogether because my original goal wasn’t possible. I didn’t adapt after my hospital admission and Bipolar diagnosis. Repeatedly, I would dive in head first and then I would crash. This self-sabotaging made me feel even more hopeless each time.

The thing about recovery is you learn about your limitations, you learn the importance of being honest with yourself. You may go through setbacks like I did but please know you are never back at square one. The wisdom and experiences you have gained have shaped you. You’ll never lose that, but like me, you may need to let go and renew your vision for life, your thinking patterns and how you see yourself. I have learned to recognise thoughts such as:

“I have to do it right” 

“It’s not good enough”

“I can't ask for help”

I can challenge these beliefs and renew my approach. 

Mindfulness meditation has given me a new appreciation, that my mind and body are doing the best they can, they have kept me breathing and alive, surviving crisis and challenge. 

With a new suspected diagnosis of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome last year, I have had to learn to let go of the need to be working. I don't need to earn rest and recovery, I deserve it just as I am.

I have learned to let go of strict routines for the day and adjust to how I am feeling mentally and physically. I have learned a new coping skill called pacing; balancing periods of activity with rest so that I can reduce burnout. 

Having a purpose is important to me so I have renewed this through volunteer work. I am currently volunteering with The Mental Health Forum in an administrative role and I am involved in other projects as a service user representative. When you renew your definition of healing and purpose you focus on what actually gives you hope on the inside rather than it looking good on the outside. It’s a very personal thing.

So the next time you’re at the beach pause and remember the starfish within, your ability to go through an ongoing process of renewal and regeneration. Some days in recovery are harder than others and we struggle just to get through the day. When this happens we can choose to be critical of ourselves or we can take back our power through investing in self-care and compassion.

“From one mental health warrior to another, let's renew and transform together… who knows what’s possible!!”

A note from the Flights of Hope Team

We believe that lived experience stories like those through our 'Flights of Hope' project and Find Help NI’s ‘Inspire Me Blog’ can help create individual and community resilience, and even help to save lives. They can also help to bring a positive and hopeful balance to the mental wellness and suicide-prevention narrative online in a way that can challenge stigma and encourage people to recognise that its okay to struggle, and to seek help when you need it.