Let’s talk about Emotions

Dealing with and expressing your emotions and feelings can be challenging, but it's an important part of looking after your wellbeing.

Why are emotions important?

Emotions are important because they are a huge part of being human. Emotions are what has helped us stay safe and evolve over thousands of years, and they help us make sense of the world we live in. They are the driving force behind many of our behaviours: both the helpful & unhelpful ones. Our brains are hardwired to look for threats & rewards, and in response a chemical and physiological response occurs. This response can be so strong that it can dominate our behaviours and we don’t react rationally. We’ve all been there, for example biting someone’s head off over something seemingly small, and feeling confused and guilty afterwards.

Think of the emotions we experience like an alert or notification. They are there to prompt us to consider whether our needs are being met, whether we are safe, whether to take action, or when we can relax. Sometimes we may need to express our emotions, to acknowledge them and let them pass, to take action, or give it more thought. 

Emotions Vs Thoughts & Feelings

It can be confusing because these words are often used interchangeably.

Emotions are like the big waves in the ocean—happiness, surprise, sadness, anger, fear, disgust. These emotions often arise quickly, are intense and unconscious (you may not have awareness control of them). They are often felt in the body, as sensations or lead to action, like getting closer to someone, or moving away from a situation, or crying for example.

Thoughts & feelings, on the other hand, are more like the ripples those big waves create— your more conscious, personal reactions and interpretations of those emotions. Our feelings are often constructed from our past experiences or driven by our thoughts - frustration, worthlessness, pressure, confidence, shame, or embarrassment.

If you struggle to emotionally regulate

You might struggle to control your emotions, maybe you struggle to contain anger for minor inconveniences, or find you get upset easily. Here are a few reasons that you might be finding it difficult:

• Childhood Experiences: Growing up in an environment where emotions were not acknowledged or validated can lead to difficulties managing feelings.
• Trauma: Past trauma can disrupt emotional regulation, causing intense or prolonged emotional responses.
• Mental Health Disorders: Conditions like anxiety, depression, or borderline personality disorder can make emotional regulation much more challenging.
• Repressed Feelings: Suppressing emotions over time can lead to intense emotional outbursts or disconnection from feelings.
• Lack of Coping Skills: Without healthy tools or strategies for managing emotions, people may struggle to control their emotional responses to stress.

Developing emotional regulation skills is possible, this might include mindfulness, building self-awareness, setting boundaries or reaching out for professional help in navigating how you feel.

If you are feeling Numb or Disconnected

You may have become disconnected from your emotions, feelings, or their affect on your body (the physical sensations) for many reasons, for example:

• Trauma: Emotional or physical trauma can cause people to suppress or numb their feelings as a coping mechanism.
• Chronic Stress: Ongoing stress can lead to emotional overwhelm, where the body shuts down emotional awareness to cope.
• Burnout: Emotional exhaustion can cause detachment from one’s feelings and sensations.
• Cultural or Societal Pressure: Expectations to "stay strong" or avoid vulnerability can lead to emotional suppression.
• Mental Health Conditions: Disorders like depression or dissociation can make it hard to connect with emotions.

In these cases, professional support, such as counselling or somatic therapy, can help in reconnecting with yourself.

Emotions Wheel

Recognizing your emotions may feel difficult at first, but with practice, it gets easier.

An emotions wheel can be a great tool to help identify feelings, especially when you're unsure of what you're experiencing emotionally or physically. Some wheels also suggest physical sensations or behavioural actions tied to emotions, which can be helpful if you're feeling disconnected from your feelings. There are lots online but we loved this one.

You can buy a printable, or customisable version of this emotions wheel from: lindsaybraman.com

The benefits of talking about how you feel

Sharing your feelings is not just beneficial; it’s essential for your overall well being.

1. When emotions are left unaddressed or bottled up, they can lead to stress, anxiety, and even physical health issues. 
2. Releases tension and prevents emotional build-up, which can otherwise manifest in unhealthy ways, such as anger, withdrawal, addiction or negative coping mechanisms. 
3. Helps us maintain our relationships, by fostering better connections. Sharing your feelings can lead to better support, more empathy, understanding and ultimately stronger bonds.
4. Develops emotional intelligence, enabling you to navigate complex situations, resolve conflicts, and maintain a balance in the face of life's challenges.

7 Steps to better understand and express your feelings 

1. Get Curious 

Start by getting curious when you feel “good”, notice how these feelings come and go. Then get curious about when you feel “bad”, and how too, these feelings come and go. We can do this by checking in with ourselves quietly and considering what you are feeling and why - without judgement or expectation. 

2. Physical Sensations

Take a moment and check in on how your body feels, do you have any physical sensations, perhaps a racing heartbeat, perhaps tightness in your chest, or maybe your muscles feel clenched. Consider the emotions, feelings and thoughts you experience when you feel this way.

3. Use your words

Practice using descriptive language to express your thoughts & feelings. Avoid vague words like, bad or awful, use a feelings wheel to help. If you’re really struggling to identify feelings, consider the thoughts you're having, they might lead you to more understanding. Bonus Tip: When discussing your feelings with others it can be helpful to use "I" statements, so instead of saying "you make me angry when…" say "I feel angry when...". That simple change of language can make a huge impact

 4. Explore Your Triggers

Notice the situations or things that might trigger certain emotions for you. Recognizing these triggers can help us troubleshoot and manage our emotions better next time. For example, you may discover that you can better set boundaries or that a simple breathwork exercise may help in the moment.  

5. Keep a Journal

Perhaps try journaling to track your thoughts & feelings. Often this can highlight patterns which can pave the way to better understanding yourself. Acknowledge both challenging moments and positive aspects of your day, practice using descriptive words, even if they don’t fit quite right.

6. Try something different

Perhaps you could try mindfulness, dance, or something creative. These kinds of activities give you a little head space or an opportunity for self expression which will allow you to become aware of your emotions without judgement, or need to use words. Engaging in such activities can be enjoyable, relaxing, and contribute to an improved mood too.

7. Reach out for support

Reach out to friends, family, or anyone you feel comfortable sharing with. Sometimes, a supportive ear or a different perspective can make a world of difference. If you find it especially challenging, because doing this reflective work can be unsettling, seeking guidance from a professional such as a counsellor, or coach can be really helpful. 

Most importantly, give yourself a little grace

We are feeling creatures, it's one of the most fabulous yet challenging thing about being human!

Understanding and expressing your feelings is a unique and personal journey, much like learning any other skill. It's important to be gentle with yourself and acknowledge that this process doesn't happen overnight, it’s an ongoing process. 

Each step towards understanding yourself better is a brave and admirable step forward towards improved wellbeing!